College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
