i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
