do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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