the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
