I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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