Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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