Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
