I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No more Irish car bombs ever.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
