'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
