you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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