he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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