Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
