Your face is a jimmy john
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
