Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
