She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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