That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
