I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
