So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We need to rekindle our bromance
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
