But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
