Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
