i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
