my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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