she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
