Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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