this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
