I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
