I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
