ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize