Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize