I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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