I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
