you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
