dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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