either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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