Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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