I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
