Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
