dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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