I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
