a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize