Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
