if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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