Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
