Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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