So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
