I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
