Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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