Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
