how can u be prego again
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
