I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
