I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Hippo gnu deer
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
