I could make wine with my vomit
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
