it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
