Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
