hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
