You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
