Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
