yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize