We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's never too late to be topless.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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