it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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