If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
