glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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