I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
