Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
