HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
