Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
