why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
