is wine microwaveable?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
