Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
