Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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