She is in my trunk
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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