Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
