so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
