I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
