I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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