He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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