I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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