pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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