Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
