Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
