You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
