I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
