is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
