I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So much rum. So many feels.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
